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Microsoft release new Wrist Watch!

May 14, 2012

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said, ‘Analogue.’ I said, ‘No, just a watch.’ (if you don’t know what the blue screen of death is you won’t get this joke)

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Ken wood

May 13, 2012

I went into a shop and I said, ‘Can someone sell me a kettle.’ The bloke said, ‘Kenwood?’ I said, ‘Where is he then?’

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Audi Fella

May 13, 2012

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says, ‘Audi!’

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Big Goldfish

May 13, 2012

I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’

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Ten Pin Ding a Ling

May 13, 2012

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said, ‘No, permanent.’

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Boredom

April 29, 2012

Dear Board of Education, so are we.

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Sun Beds

April 29, 2012

In a thousand years people will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment .

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Croc of…

April 12, 2012

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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My Lanny

April 6, 2012

“I made a new discovery at work today,” I said to my wife with a chuckle. “You’ve worked at Land Rover for a week, and that joke’s already wearing thin,” she groaned.

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Life through a lense

March 31, 2012

My mum used to beat me with a camera. I still get flashbacks.

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Budget 2012

March 23, 2012

I watched the Budget today. Also known as, ‘robbing Peter to rob Paul’.

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Pirate over ear

March 19, 2012

How much do pirates pay to get their ears pierced? A Buccaneer!

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Snail walks into a bar

March 8, 2012

A snail goes into a bar, the barman says”I don’t serve snails”and threw him out. 2 weeks later the snail went back to the bar and said to the barman”what did u do that for”.

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Lionel Richie working in Tesco

March 6, 2012

I went to the cheese counter at my local Tesco and was surprised to find Lionel Ritchie working there. He said, ‘Hellooooooo?! …is it Brie you’re looking for?’

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Frosty

March 4, 2012

A snowman knocked on my door and demanded a scarf – I didn’t like his tone – I thought he was very Frosty.

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Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!” As a computer, I find [...]

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