Office Jokes | Robs Blog

Really bad office jokes on robs blog. Call centre jokes, phone jokes, staff jokes, management jokes, boss jokes

How I use my iPhone

March 9, 2012
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Computer Geek One Liners

March 3, 2012

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!” As a computer, I find [...]

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The job interview

January 28, 2012

“In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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New Business

January 5, 2012

I opened up a business selling trampolines to Eastern Europeans, but it’s not going well… the Czechs keep bouncing.

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You Know You Have Finished Your MBA When…

December 22, 2011

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are. 2. You decide to re-org your family into a ‘team-based organisation.’ 3. You refer to dating as test marketing. 4. You can spell ‘paradigm.’ 5. You actually know what a paradigm is. 6. You understand your airline’s fare structure. 7. You write executive summaries [...]

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Technical Support Line

October 2, 2011

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Samsung Electronics

October 2, 2011

Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’ Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’. Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can [...]

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Call Centre Queuing

October 2, 2011

Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.

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The Boss

September 10, 2011
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Writing gooder in no time!

September 5, 2011

Always avoid alliteration. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid clichés like the plague—they’re old hat. Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. Parenthentical words however must be enclosed in commas. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren’t necessary. Do not use a [...]

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Sign of the times

September 3, 2011

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. The rich are getting richer, the poorer are getting poorer.

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Going places

July 27, 2011

You can name your own salary here. I call mine Fred.

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Mickey Mouse Organisation

July 27, 2011

I overheard two dissatisfied colleagues talking today, one was saying that he was going to work for Euro Disney because he was fed up with his present job and wanted to work for a real Mickey Mouse Operation.

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Clock Watching

July 27, 2011

Have you noticed that your boss is the only one who watches the clock during the coffee break.

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Why use a Consultant?

July 27, 2011

Shall we bring in a consultant, or shall we screw it up ourselves?

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Useful Work Phrases

July 27, 2011

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique [...]

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An Engineer’s terms explained

July 27, 2011

Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out [...]

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July 27, 2011

We’ve just named the office laser printer “Bob Marley”. It’s always jamming.

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