Joke of the day

Karate

February 4, 2012

What is the Karate experts favourite beverage? Kara-tea.

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Hans goes to Florida

January 5, 2012

Hans, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on [...]

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Fan Club

December 29, 2011

Wind turbines. I’m a big fan.

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Quick funny joke

December 14, 2011

What’s brown and does somersaults? A Clever Shit…..

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Quick funny joke

December 14, 2011

What’s brown and does somersaults? A Clever Shit…..

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Neighbours

October 22, 2011

My neighbours are getting really stressed out because I keep indulging my window fetish. I feel their pane.

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She’s a keeper

October 18, 2011

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. We had a lovely evening and, after she’d gone, my dad leaned over and said, “Son, I think this one’s a keeper.” “Awww dad, what makes you say that?” “She smells of elephant shit.”

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My Flat on Park Lane

October 8, 2011

I always impress birds by telling them I once had a flat on Park Lane. I tend to leave out the ‘on my mountain bike’ bit.

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My broadband is slow

October 3, 2011

I call my willy “broadband” because I always offer women up to 12 inches but only give them 3.

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New Restaurant Now Open!

October 3, 2011

I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

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Gaga a la la?

October 2, 2011

BBC News: Lady Gaga dropping Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers, for clarity.

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Wife Swap

October 2, 2011

The bloke next door asked me if I wanted to try a wife swap. “I’m not sure,” I said, “Will I get her back?” “Course!” he laughed “No, then.”

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Yellow Brick Road

October 2, 2011

The Scarecrow didn’t have the brains, Tin Man didn’t have the heart, and the Lion didn’t have the courage. So Dorothy remained a virgin.

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Four Aces Joke

September 28, 2011

I got home very late last night from a poker evening with my mates. The wife was of course waiting up, ready to moan as usual. “Stop!” I said. “Don’t even bother getting pissed off. Pack your bags. I lost you in the poker game. You’re moving in with Bob.” “How could you do such [...]

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Ruby Murray Joke

September 22, 2011

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That’s me in the korma.

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Oh S**T

September 21, 2011

Me: Doctor, Doctor I go for a poo every morning at 7am! Doctor: Well there is nothing wrong with regular bowel movements. Me: but i dont wake up untill 8am

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Slap the Meerkat

September 18, 2011

It’s ironic that I can’t seem to find anywhere to insure my pet Meerkat.

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Is Pepsi is ok?

September 17, 2011

The next time I go to a restaurant and order a coke, and the waiter replies ‘is pepsi ok?’ I should reply ‘is monoply money ok?’

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Don’t be a baby

September 17, 2011

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

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Time is precious

September 11, 2011

My mate asked me if i could help him fix his clock. so I gave him a hand.

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